Why These Fights Start
Parenting time disputes come up for all sorts of reasons. The common ones are:
- One parent will not let the other see the child
- The parent the child does not live with wants more time
- The schedule no longer fits because the children have grown
- A parent has moved, changed jobs, or remarried
- Handovers keep going wrong
- Grandparents or siblings are asking for time of their own
Many of these come back to court long after the divorce is finished. A schedule written for a five year old rarely suits that same child at fifteen.
How A Court Decides
If the two of you agree on a schedule, the court will almost always sign off on it. Judges would far rather have parents write their own schedule than write one for them.
When you cannot agree, the court has to. It looks at the same thing it looks at in every case involving a child: what is in that child's best interests. Among the things weighed are:
- How well the two of you communicate and cooperate
- Whether each parent supports the child's relationship with the other one
- The child's relationship with each parent and with brothers and sisters
- Any history of domestic violence
- The child's own preference, if the child is old enough to give a thought out one
- The child's needs, school, and how stable each home is
- How far apart the two homes are
- Each parent's work schedule
- How many children there are and how old they are
Notice what is not on that list. It is not about which parent is owed more time, or which one behaved better during the marriage. It is about the child.
What A Good Schedule Says
A vague schedule is a schedule you will be back in court over. A workable one spells out:
- Regular weeks, including overnights and school nights
- Every holiday, by name, and who has which one in which year
- School breaks and summer
- Birthdays, the child's and the parents'
- Where handovers happen and who does the driving
- Phone and video contact while the child is with the other parent
- Travel, including out of state and out of the country
- What happens when a parent has to cancel
Time spent getting this right at the start saves a great deal of trouble later.
Grandparents And Others
New Jersey allows a grandparent or a sibling to apply for visitation with a child. It is not automatic and it is not easy. A parent's right to decide who their child sees carries real weight, so the person applying has to show the child would be harmed without that contact.
These applications are often opposed by the parent the child lives with, and they turn into serious litigation.
When The Schedule Is Ignored
A parenting time order is a court order. If one parent keeps breaking it, the other can ask the court to enforce it.
The court has real tools. It can order make up time for what was missed, make the parent who broke the order pay the other side's legal fees, put conditions on handovers, and in a bad enough case revisit custody itself.
The one thing that does not work is answering a broken order with another broken order. Withholding the child because support was not paid, or stopping support because time was denied, puts you in the wrong too. Support and parenting time are separate, and the court treats them that way.
Changing It Later
A parenting time order can be changed. You have to show a real change in circumstances since the last order, and that the new arrangement is better for the child.
Children growing up counts. So do a move, a new job with different hours, a change in the child's school or health, and a teenager's own schedule. What does not count is simply being unhappy with the deal you agreed to.